


Without an Instruction Manual

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s02e20 The Fall's Gonna Kill You
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-26
Updated: 2003-04-26
Packaged: 2019-05-31 06:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15113459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: 'I just... don't know what to do right now. Leo gave me the information, but... no clues as to how to use it.'





	Without an Instruction Manual

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Without an Instruction Manual**  
**by:** Kasey

**Character(s):** Sam  
**Category(s):** POST-EP: TFGKY  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. Please don't sue.  
**Summary:** "I just...don't know what to do right now. Leo gave me the information, but...no clues as to how to use it."  


I walk out of Leo's office just...I don't even know. Numb, I guess, and...trying not to break and cause a scene in the middle of the bullpen. 

I'm a wordsmith, I make a living on knowing what to say and how to say it, and yet... 

I don't know what to say. No idea how to say it. 

He's sick. All this time he's been sick and I had no idea...but now I do, and I can't help but wonder... 

What now? I mean what am I to do with that information? 

Don't get me wrong, it's...better to know than to not, I suppose, and while I didn't know first I did find out before the general populous so that's good, but at the same time... 

What do I do now? Do I...go home? Go to sleep after I check CNN one last time like I do every night? Or is that too much like things are normal? Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate with the magnitude of the news I've just received. 

...He's sick...he's...he might die from this. Because it could turn into the next stage which is called...something, I wasn't quite listening...and can be deadly. 

It's not USUALLY deadly - once it gets to be this far from the initial diagnosis, it doesn't necessarily turn into the second stage. 

But it might. The fact remains it MIGHT be deadly. He could die. 

And it's upon that revelation that I start to think maybe it'd be better not to know. 

No. It's...it's good that I know. Not only am I inside on this now, I can help with...whatever needs doing, no one's quite sure what that is yet, but once we figure it out I can help - if there's anything to help *with*. 

How do you help this kind of thing? 

Toby would smack me at this point - you never use the same word fourteen times in writing or...speaking. Not if you want to sound as though you've completed elementary school. 

I should be able to think clearly at this point. I mean honestly - it's not as though he's died. Nothing is different than it was yesterday, his health is the same as it was, the public knows the same as it did. 

And yet somehow...*everything* is different. 

I walk into my office, not devoid of emotion but my thoughts too jumbled to pick out just what those emotions are. All I know is that somehow between Leo's office and mine I started crying, though I'm not quite sure when or why. 

I wish I could talk to Josh, but he's already gone for the night...and I'm not about to talk to Toby. I will not break in front of him. 

Little late for saying I won't break, though, isn't it? I mean I'm sitting here with tears for reasons passing understanding, there's apparently at least a little bit of breakage. 

I just...don't know what to do right now. Leo gave me the information, but...no clues as to how to use it. 

So here I sit, in my dark office, wondering how to make the world start spinning again, and how to make my head stop twirling so damn fast. 


End file.
